The Hunger Strike

Did you ever feel so hungry that your stomach felt like it was lurching inside out? A need for nourishment so intense that you swore one more minute may kill you? Yeah, I have that too. Except when I go to take a bite, I immediately get sick. It's the strangest form of punishment. I think it might be worse than flogging and water-boarding.

The Grand Introduction

Okay, so here I am. I've never really 'blogged' before, so I apologize for my lack of 'bloggness'. A few questions come to mind on why I would start a blog. Well, I'm mostly doing to it for myself (sorry to sound selfish). I have quite a bit on my mind with our twins on the way, and I figured it's a good way to find out what I'm really thinking. It's also a great way to share my journey with friends who may want to see from faraway. So now that I've excused myself for blogging let's get into it....

I'm on week 14, nearing the end of it at least. I found out I was pregnant on week 5. Yes, I'm VERY in tune to my body. For 3 more weeks, my doctors made me wait in suspense, as they all do, for my first ultrasound. Actually, let me backtrack a bit here. I found out I was pregnant. I PANICKED. And I mean panic. I cried all day and all night. I worried that Bobby wouldn't love me anymore, I worried that I wouldn't be able to take care of them, I worried that other people would judge me because I was a mere 5 months away from getting married. Let's just say I worried. As it turns out, Bobby still loves me, of course I can take care of them (well, I was thinking singularly at that point), and nobody judged (and if they did, who cares). 

By the time Bobby and I were waiting to be seen for our first appointment, I had just come to terms with the fact that I was pregnant. I was starting to really get comfortable with the idea and started fantasizing about my newly found motherhood. Then the tech said, "Good news! It's twins!". I think Bobby stopped breathing. I was confused as to whether I should run out of the room, get into the car, and drive to Montana (as if my unborn children would find another mother to inhabit), or instead just laugh in disbelief. I chose to laugh. And then my extreme excitement settled in. A million questions started buzzing through my head, so of course, as soon as the doctor had asked me "Any questions?", I replied quietly, "Nope." Good job, Tammy .....

So as any person would do, I rejected my doctor's offering of advice and took straight to the internet where all the knowledge of the world could be found! I started reading about how I should gain 45 pounds, wait some said 80. I should consume 2800 calories, other said 3500 a day. I should take nap every day (I'm sure no one at work would mind) and most importantly, I should prepare myself for bedrest. And then there was reality. 

I was lucky to consume 500 calories a day. Between not wanting to eat a grain of sand and vomiting anything else that managed to get down my trap. So of course, I worried. As far as napping, yes, I do want to nap. Everyday. Nearly all day. But that's just impossible. So instead, I go to work, come home, and pass out. It's an exciting life. 

Well, the morning (why do they call it that???) sickness has pretty much subsided, although food still isn't THAT appealing. But now the fun is beginning. My belly is growing and I'm so close to finding out their sex. I feel in love with them now and just wait for each ultrasound until I get to see them again. I apologize, no pictures posted yet, but I will make that a weekend project. They must be thirsty, my skin feels like an alligator pouch and I constantly feel dehydrated no matter how much water I drink. I wonder who they'll look like. People always say Bobby and I look similar, so maybe it won't matter. I just can hardly wait to lay my eyes on them. It feels like a kid waiting for Christmas, no matter how much you tell yourself don't worry, the day will come it just feels light years away until you get to put your grubby hands on your wonderful prize.